Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
(We changed the name so we won't get sued.)
Once upon a time... Wait a second. Didn't we run into this last story? Okay, instead let's say... Once upon a millennium, there was a small boy named Boy and one time he sailed across the seven seas – wait. No, wrong story... There was a boy named Boy with a frost dragon named Flames.
Our story begins sometime in summer, or on a hot Saturday some other time of year, after Boy got some books on what to do if you have a frost dragon named Flames.
As Boy was about to start reading, a crazy town crier came in screaming, or singing really loud, “Raaaaain, raiiiiin. There's going to be raaaaaaaaiiiiiin. Be prepared, be prepared, be prepaaaaaaared.”
His song over, the crier left and Boy said, “Well, that was weird. I mean, how did us medieval people know there was going to be rain? You don't get that technology for hundreds of years. Oh, well. Guess we have to board up our house as if it was being attacked by zombies.”
And so Boy found all the extra chairs, tables, and wood plaques he could and started nailing, taping, and gluing them to the windows, walls, and doors. But he accidentally barricaded him and Flames outside!
He thought about places to hide to get away from the rain. In a ditch, in a evil dragon's cave, or in a small well... He figured the well and the ditch would just flood, so he went to the evil dragon's cave. (It was the dragon that was evil, not the cave. If you were confused.)
While he was following the yellow brick road to the cave (I hope we don't get sued by the people who made The Wizard of Oz), Boy saw his friend the lost temple. (Not know who this guy is? Go to the last story. If you don't know who anyone in this story is, definitely go to the last story!)
The temple said, “Run! Evil fighter planes!”
Boy said, “But this is the medieval ages!” and thought to himself that maybe there was a time machine. Then he saw a squad of evil fighting planes dropping off a... a... I mean the... the angry horses from last story!
The original angry horse said, “Neigh! Neigh! N-n-neigh!”
Thanks to the horse's translator hat, Boy could understand him. What he'd said was, “Ha! Thanks to our warm winter coats your dragon cannot freeze us! We thought about snow pants, but... No, we didn't want them.”
Then the fighter planes' pilots ejected, but none of them had a parachutes. They were pretty angry when they remembered that although they were all birds, they couldn't fly on their own. So they became angry birds! But even angry, they didn't want to hurt Boy and his dragon, but decided to take their anger out on some nearby pigs. (Well, one pilot did remember to take a parachute. He didn't get angry, he just took a vacation.)
All of the fighter planes hit in one spot (coincidentally), and then... BOOM!
The could of ashes went to the pigs. And what happened to the planes, you may wonder. Well, the pieces went so far that they got to the non-angry bird and made him angry!
Since the pigs all died because of the ash, the birds decided to take their anger out on Boy and Flames after all. But while all this stuff was happening, Boy and Flames had run like heck to the cave.
The horse said, “Well, they're awfully rude!”
When Boy and Flames arrived at the cave, they saw two signs. One that said, “Beware!” and one that said, “Put your ad here.” They didn't put their ad there because they had nothing to advertise and they didn't beware because they didn't want to.
In the cave, they found a rock... And an evil fire-breathing dragon that said, “I'm going to kill you!!!”
But just as it was about to breathe fire on them, the fire dragon saw that Flames was a frost dragon. Then it squealed like a rat and ran off deeper into the cave.
Boy and Flames didn't want to stay in the cave. They wanted to go home. But they remembered the angry horses, angry birds, and that their house was boarded up. So they decided to build a new house in the cave.
It came out very well and was never bothered by the fire dragon, who was too scared of Flames to do anything evil ever again.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Once upon a time, there was – Wait a second! When is this? Once upon a time? Okay, let's improvise...
Somewhere in the medieval ages (I think), there was a boy called.. Um... What was his name again? Let's call him Boy.
So, somewhere in the medieval ages, there was a boy called Boy, and sometime in winter he decided to go on a journey. God only knows why he did that in winter.
After being chased by an angry horse, Boy found a lost temple. It asked him for directions, but the Boy didn't answer as he ran into the temple because the horse was still chasing him.
The temple said, “Violator! Get out of me!”
Boy ignored that because the horse was outside and stumbled up the temple stairs.
Upstairs, Boy could still see the horse through a window. It looked like the horse was calling other angry horses on his phone.
After going up to the top, Boy realized there was another set of stairs going down. He decided to go down, but changed his mind when he saw the scorpions at the bottom. He turned around and found another set of stairs.
Hoping there were no scorpions, he decided to go down the other other stairs. When he got to the bottom, he saw a wall that said two things. One was a cheat-code for horseshoes. (Dance around like a horse four times.) The second was a warning. “If you open this wall, or door, or whatever you call it, beware of something! I think it's dangerous. Maybe. Oh! And also, to open the door, just say, 'Blanket.'”
While Boy was wondering why it told him how to open something he wasn't supposed to open, he also wondered if he wanted to say, “Blanket.” But when he does stuff like that, he talks to himself, so he actually said, “Blanket,” without meaning to.
The door (or wall or whatever you call it) opened and inside was an egg the size (but not shape!) of a foot.
Boy decided to grab it and run upstairs to see if the angry horse was still there.
The angry horse was still there, playing poker with his friends. When they realized Boy was in the window, they all said, “Neigh!!!” and ran to get some bows and arrows.
When they had their bows and arrows, they launched them at the window. (Don't ask me how a hoofed mammal shot a bow and arrow!)
The only thing the arrows hit was the egg, which started glowing for some reason.
And then... (Play dramatic music here.) The egg opened!
And there was... A... A... ACHOO!
There was a dragon.
It was frost blue and hadn't grown its horns yet. (Duh! It's still a baby!)
But then it... A... A... ACHOO!
No, that wasn't me. The dragon sneezed.
And after the dragon sneezed, all of the horses were frozen.
Then the boy said, “I think I'll name you Flames.”
The Temple made a snorting sound. “Dude, why would you name it Flames? Name it Frosty.”
“But he's not a snowman!” Boy said.
Disgusted, the temple spat Boy and Flames out and walked away. (Don't ask me how a temple walked!)
Boy picked up Flames and went to to the library to look for books on taking care of frost dragons named Flames.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Little Red Astronaut
Once upon a time, in space, there was a little red astronaut from Mars who travelled in a spaceship that looked like a basket. She was going to Planet Grandma to get plasma cookies to deliver to the rings of Saturn.
The astronaut, whose name was Ikea, was bored on her trip, because she did this all the time.
The door was down the dragon's throat. Ikea thought about not going in, but a bunch of people exiting made her decide to go.