Once upon a time there lived a pumpkin with a top hat and a monocle, but the pumpkin has nothing to do with the story. We only mention him because he is awesome and lived next the house in which our story begins.
The house belonged to a baker who was known throughout the kingdom for his cakes and his incredible wits in tight situations. The story doesn't really being there either though. It begins in a dungeon where one the day the baker found himself in a facing a dragon.
The dragon said, “Raar! Raar! I’m a dragon! If you can’t tell.”
The baker just smiled and gave the dragon a cake. Then the baker moved on with his normal life, leaving a happy dragon behind him. This was not unusual for the baker, although it was odd for the dragon. The baker had a habit of taking a cake to give to odd things that wanted to kill him. He did this at least once a week in the hopes of teaching the murderous creatures that people were good and should not be eaten. If they became customers of his cake shop, all the better.
The king soon heard of the baker’s deeds and summoned him to the castle, where he said, “Hey, I need a big cake in the shape of my daughter!” It seemed a giant sea monster was insisting on eating the princess. His head was poking through the window and he agreed that it didn’t matter what he ate. As long as it was shaped like a princess, it was good enough.
The baker said that it was possible, but that he would need just a small amount of Bakeranium.
“Bakeranium?” asked the king.
“It’s a very rare element that is only found in very cold places,” the baker explained. “Such as the North Pole.”
“I’ll go get it,” said the princess, who did not wish to get eaten.
It took her several months, but eventually she returned with the Bakeranium only to find that the baker had apparently forgotten that he already had a stash. While she was gone, he had already prepared the big cake and the sea monster was long gone and very popular among sea monsters. (Eating a princess-shaped object was considered very cool in the sea monster community.)
The princess decided to ask the baker if he wanted to make a very big cake to feed the entire kingdom for her birthday. He said, “OK, but I’ll need a small amount of Cakanium.”
The princess said, “OK. But triple check your house to make sure you don’t have it already.”
He said he had just enough, but still needed all the flour. He was out because of the big princess cake.
So the princess went to the largest windmill or wherever you get flour from and got as much as she could. And went to the second largest one and got as much as she could. Et cetera.
When she gave it to the baker, he said that he had just enough.
One month later, the princess had a big birthday party with a cake the size and shape of the castle. Everyone enjoyed the cake and was very happy. The baker was named Royal Baker and given a much nicer kitchen than he had before. He lived the rest of his life in the house by the pumpkin patch making cakes for all the kingdom.
The end.
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