Monday, May 2, 2011

Little Red Astronaut

We are sorry for delaying our story PT. We cannot finish it due to brain malfunction. We now happily give you this...

Little Red Astronaut

Once upon a time, in space, there was a little red astronaut from Mars who travelled in a spaceship that looked like a basket. She was going to Planet Grandma to get plasma cookies to deliver to the rings of Saturn.

The astronaut, whose name was Ikea, was bored on her trip, because she did this all the time.
So she stopped at Planet Excitement, aka Earth's moon, to get excitement into her life.

All the excitement on Planet Excitement was underground, in huge mines. Ikea was about to go into one of the mines when she saw a sign. “Attention: If you are from Planet Earth, then walk away and forget this whole thing ever happened. If you cannot forget, we have a human DNA check system, so a guard will probably come out and kill you anyway.” Ikea was glad she wasn't from Earth.

Near the start of the mine was a gift shop. It had Planet Excitement snow globes, Planet Excitement t-shirts and w-shirts (all in xxxxxl), and lots of Planet Excitement post cards. Ikea decided to move on.

The next part of the mine had a very long, boring, kiddy ride that only went two miles per hour, a more exciting roller coaster with a warning that said, “Don't go on this or you will die. Seriously. We have creatures from other universes,” and an elevator.

Ikea decided to take the elevator.

She rode the elevator to the bottom, floor fifty-one. Floor fifty-one was much more exciting than the first floor. There were two areas to have excitement: a mystery day care for one-to-five-year-olds, and, for all other ages, a cave of possible death.

She didn't know why, but she decided to go with the possible death.

Inside the cave, was a giant dragon head. As Ikea came close to it, the jaws opened and she heard a very polite voice say, “Welcome to the bottom floor. Please go through the door.”
The door was down the dragon's throat. Ikea thought about not going in, but a bunch of people exiting made her decide to go.

She went down the stairs and came out back in the cave. Nothing happened inside the dragon. At all. She was starting to be disappointed in the excitement of Planet Excitement.

As she left the dragon, she heard laughing and suddenly, out of nowhere, a mutant winged wolf appeared. Ikea thought this might put the excitement rating up. The wolf tried to bite her and she said, “Finally, excitement!”

“No,” said the wolf. “Death!”

The wolf tried to hit her with his tail, but she pulled out her ray gun and zapped him.

“So much for excitement,” said Ikea. “This is more like Planet Lame.”

Then she went back to work.


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